Whenever I read stories of how the women in some couples physically dominate their men because they’re literally stronger or more physically aggressive, I have to smile. The same holds true for those stories in which the female seems to verbally command respect by her harshness or sternness. I smile for two reasons. It’s super sexy that a woman can do this and elicit a positive response from her partner. And… I smile because I try to imagine it working for me or even wanting it to work for me.
My Rook is 6′3, a sturdy but not heavy man, belted in three different martial arts and he plays with swords for fun (he fences). I’m 5′3 if I stretch, soft-spoken, and could not step on a spider unless some poor child needed rescuing. Outside of role play, I’ll never forcibly dominate him with physical strength unless I catch him snoozing or use a weapon :) (Neither of which would I ever do.) Of course, I can simply tell him to submit to anything within his limits and he will acquiesce, but there’s a different nuance there when compared to what I’ve described above.
I mention this not to qualify or justify my relationship in comparison to those that differ. Rather, my desire is to offer this alternative point of view to those women who might consider dominating their spouses were it not for the belief that dominance could never be achieved by them because they lack physical strength and the capacity for harshness, or because they feel dominance cannot be a loving, feminine act. While the women in the first scenario most certainly can and I’m sure do retain their own defined loving femininity, I think that style probably isn’t something with which a lot of non-lifestyle women can identify. At least, I couldn’t.
“GET DOWN OF YOUR KNEES, BOY!” barked as she stands over him in six inch stilettos and cracks a whip. A whip that will soon graze his back while she strikes his submissive heart with humiliating remarks. I’ve read this scenario so many times and I know that it works well for many. My own style is a bit different – as yours might be.
A simple moment of tiptoeing and whispering softly in his ear while my hand tenderly caresses his cheek, “Wouldn’t it feel lovely to be down on your knees for me.. eager to do whatever I wish, knowing that it pleases me so very much?” has not once failed to bring my man to his knees nor has it failed to visibly excite him. Yes, I use my femininity and my sexuality to control him just like other dominant women. He does what I want, when I want, no matter what I’m wearing or what I say and do. When you’re on the outside looking in, the way in which we do things as a couple may appear very different from than that of others, but it’s really not. Control is control. Surrender is surrender. The rest is quite simply the cloak.
Please don’t misunderstand, I didn’t choose the cloak of soft femininity because I had no choice or because I don’t have the “guts” to do otherwise. And, that needn’t be the case for you should you hold similar feelings. I could have chosen a shorter, slighter man and/or changed my manner of speaking. I didn’t want to. I’m not interested in inflicting anything other than mild erotic pain and mild just-enough-to-make-him-squirm-in-delight humiliation. I love things (and me) this way. It feels natural and fulfilling to me and I know he feels the same. We’ve donned the cloak that works for us just as you can don the cloak that works for you and yours. Do what makes you feel sexy, self-confident, and loved. That, in my opinion, is the surest way to guarantee success in a power-exchange relationship.
